Accident
by lunartick
Summary: Sort of prequel to Misunderstood. Now it's Ichimaru's turn to misunderstand the intentions of a certain scheming captain. Nonyaoi
1. the osen

Hello everybody! I'm back with a new story! This one is a multi-chaptered one, and is another parody on Ichimaru Gin, and the whole of Seireitei in fact.

Just a bit of a warning though. There is some nudity in this fic courtesy of Yachiru, but its done in like a funny way. For me, Yachiru is still a kid, and kids run around with nothing on lots of times. So, if you are the kind who feels Yachiru is too old to do stuff like that, maybe you would want to avoid this fic.

Oh, and another thing. This isn't a yaoi fic. It's just Ichimaru Gin's lack of innocence that leads to some rather traumatizing events.

And… this is a bit of a prequel to Misunderstood. It's on how Ichimaru Gin was recruited by Aizen Sousuke. Just a note: I know Ichimaru was probably under Aizen long before he became a taichou, but for the fun of it, I decided to do it such that he came under Aizen after he became a taichou. Hope no one gets too worked up over that.

Well, anyway, it's for the story! Please read and enjoy!

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**Accident **

Steam rose dramatically from the hot spring as Third Division Captain Ichimaru Gin sank happily into the water with a contented sigh. It was not often that Ichimaru Gin visited the Shinigami Country Club, mainly because he was too busy establishing himself as an efficient captain (difficult, given how people always assume his efficiency was due to one Kira Izuru's efficiency). However, when he did drop by, he always found it a pleasure to soak himself within the hot, steamy embrace of a hot spring (how Seireitei actually located a hot spring soul, or how any Shinigami was capable of sending a hot spring soul, he would never know, but honestly, he was not complaining).

Today, apparently, was his lucky day, for the hot spring was deserted, save for his presence. Hence, he did not have to worry about looking suitably dignified or contemplate the lack of hygiene in sharing bath water. It was just him and himself, soaking away happily the weariness of the day.

Ichimaru Gin folded a towel neatly and placed it on top of his head, cheerfully contemplating the lack of the need to contemplate how ridiculous he looked with a towel on his head.

"Matsumoto-san! Yachiru-chan! You shouldn't be running in the bath house!"

"Dum-dum go mum-mum some gum-gum!"

"Oh what does it matter? There is no one to see… Gin! Yo! What a coincidence, old pal!"

The towel made a quick migration south from his head to his waist.

"Rangiku," he acknowledged, discreetly tucking the towel in so it wouldn't float away. "Hinamori-kun… Yachiru-chan."

"Ichimaru-taichou!" Hinamori squeaked, wrapping her towel around herself tighter. "I'm sorry, sir! We did not mean to interrupt your… Matsumoto-san!"

"What?" Matsumoto asked obliviously, half-way to sliding into the hot spring.

"We're interrupting Ichimaru-taichou's bath…"

"Nonsense! There's no need to go just because Gin is here! My boobs need their daily soak, you know? It's to keep them perky and firm! Come on in now, Himamori-kun! The water's really great!"

"But… Yachiru-chan!"

Ichimaru blinked when the lovely vision of Matsumoto wearing nothing but a thin, small towel was blocked abruptly by something very pink and furry. "Can I help you, Yachiru-chan?" he asked cautiously, wondering what Zaraki Kenpachi would have to say about him and little Yachiru sharing the same bath with the both of them wearing nothing other than towels.

Cancel that. He wasn't so much afraid of what Zaraki Kenpachi would _say_ but what he would _do_.

He just hoped it would involve a fair duel that he could cheat at rather than one irate captain setting one Ayasegawa Yumichika on one panicky captain. Ichimaru Gin had been a very interested witness to the last time a poor, unfortunate soul had been the victim of said Ayasegawa Yumichika. It had not been pretty.

"What's Smiley-chan doing here?" the little girl asked curiously. "I've never seen you here before!"

"I am taking what is conventionally known as a 'bath'," Ichimaru replied, wondering how it was possible to look dignified when there was a pink, furry thing bouncing about just about an inch from your face. Zaraki Kenpachi pulled it off admirably, but honestly, when you are over six feet tall and have reiatsu that has the ability to kick all other reiatsus' metaphorical ass, it is very difficult to not be dignified.

Yachiru threw back her head and laughed uproariously in a manner eerily reminiscent of one Madarame Ikkaku. "Smiley-chan is so funny!" she squealed. "We should go kill something together one day! Then we'll become best buddies!"

Ichimaru smiled wryly – then did a double-take. Much to his never-ending horror, he realized that the young Yachiru was wearing her towel the _male_ way. Fortunately due to her age, there was not much to hide. Nonetheless, Ichimaru failed to see how that would convince Zaraki Kenpachi _not_ to send one Ayasegawa Yumichika to traumatize the hell out of one Ichimaru Gin.

The problem was, how to correct the problem of sweet Yachiru not covering the parts that a female should cover regardless of whether she had developed any of the necessary parts to cover or not.

"Yachiru-chan…" Ichimaru ventured. "Don't you feel a little… cold?"

Much to his dismay, his comment drew out nothing more than another loud burst of laughter. "Smiley-chan is really so funny!" Yachiru squealed. "Of course I'm not cold! I'm in a hot spring!" To add insult to injury, she finished her statement with an even louder burst of laughter.

Ichimaru attempted to laugh along with her. Unfortunately, Ichimaru Gin had never been very good at laughing, thus he settled for smiling weakly instead. "Of course, of course," he muttered hurriedly.

Then inspiration hit.

"Oh look!" he exclaimed. "Your towel is dragging on the floor. That wouldn't do. Why don't you wear it a little higher?"

"No."

And disappointment hit back – in a very sensitive area.

"Why not?" he whined.

"Because then I would look like Eyebrow-chan!"

"Ah…" Ichimaru Gin, for all his eloquence, found it difficult to refute that statement.

"But…" he ventured. "Your towel will get dirty. The club owner will be most annoyed."

"Doesn't matter."

"What?"

"Doesn't matter! 'Cos Ken-chan will just kill him if he tries to bully me! Yay!"

"Eh… of… course…"

"Or I could kill him myself!" Yachiru stuck her finger against her chin. "Or we could kill him together! Then we don't have to bother to go look for a Hollow so we can be friends!"

"Why… I'm sure that would be… eh… nice…"

In a final act of desperation, Ichimaru Gin resorted to convincing himself that he would ask the ladies for help not because he couldn't handle one little girl but because as a captain, he really shouldn't be handling such minor chores. Much to his utter disappointment however, both Matsumoto and Hinamori had retreated to the furthest end of the hot spring and were chatting away quietly. With the sense of helplessness increasing dramatically, Ichimaru was just about to turn back to his problem when whispers of their conversation floated into his ear.

_"… just tell him?" _

_"No, Matsumoto-san! How could I? That's too embarrassing!" _

_"But if you don't tell him… it will be worse!"_

_"But…" _

_"Tell him! We'll do it together!" _

_"Hush, Matsumoto-san! Ichimaru-taichou can hear you…" _

_"Oh… well it doesn't matter! He's nicer than he looks. Wonderful ass, I always felt."_

_"Matsumoto-san! How could you call a taichou an ass?" _

_"Dear, I was referring to his ass. Don't you think it's rather firm and perky?" _

_"Matsumoto-san! I… I… I… __Oh! You are incorrigible! And you are changing the subject from…" _

With his curiosity fully piped, Ichimaru found himself tempted to just sidle over and eavesdrop on their conversation. However, he was all too aware how alert gossiping women were to the approach of men, thus, he stifled the temptation to sidle and settled back onto his perch.

"What'cha looking at, Smiley-chan?"

"It's a long story, Yachiru-chan."

"Ha ha! Smiley-chan's really so funny! You're even funnier than Baldy-chan!"

"Eh… thanks, I think…"

With his attention back on the young vice-captain, Ichimaru Gin finally remembered the problem he had to solve, much to his utter dismay. "Can't you just pull your towel up?" he asked wearily.

"Why?"

"Because I ordered you to do so?"

"I'll tell Ken-chan to cut you to little pieces and feed them to a Menos!" Huge, friendly smile.

Giving up, Ichimaru picked the little girl up and set her in the water. Sneaking a glance to make sure the other two ladies were not looking his way, he quickly undid her towel.

"Ichimaru-kun?"

For the first time in his life, Ichimaru discovered that _shunpo_ could apply to doing up towels as well.

"Specs-san!"

"Good evening, Yachiru-chan, Ichimaru-kun."

Swallowing hard, Ichimaru Gin looked up from the water and fixed his eyes on the figure above him. Much to his utter dismay, the figure was smiling the smile of a person who had just discovered a kindred soul in a full-grown man undoing the towel of a little girl in a bath.

"Aizen-taichou," he managed to regurgitate.

"Really, Ichimaru-kun," the older man beamed as he slid into the water. "We're both of an equal rank now. You can just call me Aizen-kun. That sounds a lot friendlier now, doesn't it?"

"Of course." Ichimaru was so impressed with the control he heard in his own voice that he did not notice the young vice-captain had wriggled out of his grasp until she accidentally splashed water in his face while she scrambled out of the spring.

"You did the towel up too tight!" she complained, struggling with the butterfly knot he had tied in his panic. "I can't breathe! This thing is so troublesome… there!" With a huge grin, she pulled the towel off and dumped it on the ground.

Ichimaru would have dropped his face into his hand and groan if he could have found the strength to unbend his neck. Unfortunately, that was not the case, and thus he could do nothing more than settle for smiling unhappily into the water. At the very least, Aizen Sousuke would be going down with him.

"My dear girl," the same Aizen Sousuke was saying. "Young ladies should not go running around like this. Come, let me help you put on your towel again."

"Nyah! You've got to catch me first!" Giggling happily, Yachiru dashed off towards the other two occupants of the hot spring, eliciting a cheerful greeting from one Matsumoto Rangiku and a scandalized gasp from one Hinamori Momo.

"What a lovely girl Yachiru-chan is," Aizen said, beaming with all the joy of a proud father. "I'm sure she would grow up to be a very beautiful woman, isn't that so, Ichimaru-kun?"

"… Well… yes. She has to learn some decorum first of course. A moment ago, I had to help adjust her towel because it was dropping too low."

"Of course, Ichimaru-kun."

"She was eh… indecent, to say the least."

"If you say so, Ichimaru-kun."

Thoroughly mortified by now, Ichimaru decided that the best course of action was to sink back into the hot spring and try to salvage the rest of the evening. An impossibility, to say the least, but Ichimaru Gin was a captain, and captains were not easily deterred from their task at hand (especially when said captain was one Kyoraku Shunshui and said task was drinking one huge jug of sake).

It helped of course, that displayed before him was one of the most desirable women in the whole of Soul Society.

He admired the beautiful Assets half-covered by a towel, water and steam bouncing slightly as their owner moved about animatedly, deep in her conversation with one Hinamori Momo, who was attempting (with less efficiency than one Ichimaru Gin) to make one darling Yachiru decent again.

_"Anyway, why don't you just tell him, Hinamori?" _

_"But it wouldn't do to just go up to a taichou and say something as rude as that." _

_"It isn't rude! You've known him for a long time, right?" _

_"Yeah… but…" _

_"Aw, come on, don't be a virgin!" _

_"I am a virgin! Oh! Matsumoto-san! You made me shout! Oh dear… do you think Ichimaru-taichou and Aizen-taichou heard? Should I go apologise to them?" _

_"Ah, don't be silly! They wouldn't mind. They probably find it… eh… interesting though. Anyway, even if they heard, it wouldn't matter! I can see the both of them smiling from here." _

_"How would that make me feel better? Ichimaru-taichou is scary precisely because he smiles! Who knows what he's thinking when he's smiling?" _

_"Serious? I think he has a cute smile. Very seductive, that smile. Besides, there is a theory that when he smiles, he isn't thinking, and since he smiles all the time, he is never thinking. That was Renji's theory by the way, so if you tell Gin I said that, I'll point the finger at Renji. Anyway, Aizen-taichou's smiling too. His smile shouldn't be scary to any normal person." _

_"No, it isn't… but… oh! You're changing the topic!" _

_"You don't want me to? Fine, we can talk about your virginity then. Who do you want to lose it to?" _

_"Matsumoto-san!" _

Ichimaru Gin found himself smiling fondly to himself. That was his good, old Rangiku-chan; always saying things that would have made the most jaded of whore turn three shades of red. Even the eighth division captain would blush at some of the things she said.

"Ichimaru-kun."

A sudden chill ran down his back, leaving Ichimaru Gin's fondness high and dry.

"Yes, Aizen-taichou?" Slowly, Ichimaru Gin forced his neck to turn so he could look at the person he was addressing.

"Ah, there you go again! Come now! Call me Aizen-kun… or Sousuke-kun. That's so much more intimate."

Aizen Sousuke was smiling at him. Aizen Sousuke was looking at him and _smiling _at him. Aizen Sousuke was looking at him and smiling at him in a way that suggested they were more than just colleagues in the great big world of Seireitei.

Slowly, Ichimaru Gin forced his neck to turn back so he was looking at the beautiful Assets again. "Ai… Aizen… kun…" he forced out weakly, the desire to wear his towel the _female_ way was making his arms (crossed primly in front of him) twitch sporadically. The only problem was, he would have to undo his towel to hitch it up, and there was no way he was doing that; in this situation, it was beyond consideration.

A huge hand clamp _clamped_ onto his shoulder and he stiffened. "I see you have been working out at the gym, Ichimaru-kun," the cheerful voice said from somewhere behind him. "That's good. All captains need to be strong in order to lead their divisions efficiently! You, me dear boy, look much stronger than the average captain. It makes me wonder sometimes, if you are satisfied with being nothing more than a captain in Seireitei."

Honestly, Ichimaru Gin felt that it was to his credit that he did not wrench his shoulder away from the Hand. Ignorance, he always felt, was the key to avoiding awkward situations.

"Of course," Ichimaru Gin replied just as cheerfully. "I would not wish to be a disappointment to Yamamoto soutaichou! Besides, while the work of a captain is very tiring, it does have its benefits, like free entrance into the country club."

Much to his horror, Aizen Sousuke's eyes narrowed behind the gleam of his glasses, and his smile took on a mildly canine effect. "My dear, dear Ichimaru-kun," Aizen Sousuke said softly. "Are you that concerned about what Yama-ji thinks?"

Ichimaru gulped as the Fifth Division Captain leaned even closer. :Ai… Aizen-tai… kun?"

"Haven't you ever considered?" the voice whispered into his ear. "Doing things that Yama-ji might not… approve of?"

When he felt the rough surface of the spring pressing against his back, Ichimaru Gin mentally let off a rather girlish squeak of terror as the realization that he could not back off any further kicked in.

"Really, Aizen-kun?" _Keep calm. Feign ignorance. Smile. Smile widely. Don't get homophobic. You know what happens when you start getting homophobic._ "I don't quite understand what you mean, really."

Much to one Ichimaru Gin's utter dismay, Aizen Sousuke let out a loud, hearty laugh. Much to the same Ichimaru Gin's utter relief, Aizen Sousuke released his shoulder and settled back against the other side of the spring.

"Your innocence is, as always, so absolutely adorable," said captain remarked. "I always felt this certain air of obliviousness about you is one of your most endearing qualities."

And it was around this time, that Aizen Sousuke successfully accomplished the near impossible task of deterring a captain from his task at hand.

"Rangiku! Would you care to join me for a cup of sake at the bar?"

"Sake? Gee, you asking me out on a date, Gin?"

"Well now…"

"Ha! Don't worry, I'm just kidding! Woo hoo! Sake after a nice dip in a hot spring! Sounds excellent to me!"

"Ah well then…"

"Wait, just let me check if my Precious has soaked long enough."

"P…"

"Oh yes they have! Any longer and they are going to get wrinkled."

"W… wrinkled?"

"Let's go Gin!"

"Ah…"

"Drinks' on you!"

"Ah… alright.


	2. the party

Hey guys! This is the second chapter of this story!

Just to reiterate myself; this fic is meant to be taken in good fun. So there are lots of parodies and unexpected statements being made here. Don't get upset. I'm not questioning your principles and morals in reference to all the various types of pairings possible in Bleach.

Anyway, go on and enjoy this chapter! This fic should be done by the next chapter. For those who don't know it yet, I have very little patience with writing long fics, though I do have a couple of those.

And remember to leave a review after you've read!

Bleach doesn't belong to me ever.

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Finally, alone in his bedroom, reeking of alcohol, tea and red bean paste, Ichimaru Gin sat down by his favourite table and cursed obscenely into the darkness of the room.

Theoretically, Ichimaru Gin wasn't the type of person to curse obscenely into the darkness of the room or otherwise. However, he felt strongly with every essence of his being that this act was an absolute necessity, and an integral part of his vengeance against the world for treating him the way it did. Thus, he had drawn upon the ugliest, cruelest, most disgusting curses he knew, which were very ugly, very cruel and very disgusting as was fitting of a boy who had fought for his own livelihood in one of the ugliest parts of Rukongai.

When he had invited dear Matsumoto Rangiku for a drink, he had intended it to be solely for the two of them. However, in his panic to be rid of Aizen Sousuke, he had failed to remember that Matsumoto Rangiku was the type of drinker who enjoyed drinking in crowds. Thus, one Hinamori Momo and one Kusajishi Yachiru had found themselves being dragged along into this impromptu drinking party. However, since Hinamori Momo had found herself being dragged along, she had decided that it was only appropriate to drag _the _Aizen Sousuke along as well (which basically negated the whole purpose of dragging Matsumoto Rangiku out for a drink). And since Kusajishi Yachiru had found herself being coaxed into a party, she had found it necessary to inform one Zaraki Kenpachi, who immediately decided that it was absolutely necessary that he went along as well (it was part of his new philosophy to teach Yachiru all the necessary skills of the world like drinking and fighting by demonstrating it himself), which resulted in the whole of the eleventh division turning up as well.

Since the whole of the eleventh division was turning up, inevitably, certain ex-eleventh division members were called upon to attend as well i.e. Abarai Renji and Iba Tetsuzaemon. And because Abarai Renji had been invited, he had decided to invite Hisagi Shuhei and Kuchiki Rukia as well. Kuchiki Byakuya had then decided that it was only right that he attended to because he did not want his dearest sister to be contaminated by such commoners. Hisagi Shuhei, on the other hand, persuaded Tousen Kaname (and thus, by default, Komamura Sajin) to attend as well. This led to the news being spread to one Kira Izuru, who decided that since his taichou was attending, he had to attend as well. Half-way to the bar, he suddenly realized that his taichou must have been holding some sort of a party to celebrate whatever it was that he was celebrating (Kira Izuru felt inclined to believe it was his taichou's birthday) but in his absent-mindedness, had failed to inform all the taichous and fukutaichous that they were to attend as well. Thus, he had sent out invitations to all the other divisions, inviting them to join one Ichimaru Gin's birthday party.

Unfortunately for said Ichimaru Gin and his money pouch, no one had the impoliteness to decline an invitation to a taichou's birthday party. Neither was anyone hardworking enough to turn down the offer of free sake.

Thus it was, the romantic drink between one Ichimaru Gin and one Matsumoto Rangiku and ended up as one huge alcoholic orgy that included all the captains, vice-captains and the eleventh division.

Being the versatile and practical captain that he is, Ichimaru Gin had decided that a huge party was probably an easier way of avoiding the improper advances of one Aizen Sousuke. Thus, he had entered into the rowdiest of the three clichés in the bar, the Loud, Happy Drinkers corner (which was essentially three quarters of the whole bar given the number of eleventh division members there).

At first it had been pretty fun having a relatively subdued drinking contest with Zaraki Kenpachi (relatively as in Zaraki Kenpachi was too involved in instructing Yachiru on the art of out-drinking an opponent to really bother with all the sword fighting and chest thumping that all drunk eleventh division members usually engaged in), despite the overwhelming stench of men who believe that a bath is a part of ancient, uncivilised Rome. However, things had gotten progressively worse the more alcohol was consumed (progressively worse as in Zaraki Kenpachi was starting to wobble in a manner that would leave any unfortunate soul he happened to fall on severely injured). When Matsumoto had ended up challenging Yamamoto Genryusai to a drinking contest (due to said soutaichou's insistence that no one in Soul Society could out-drink _him_), Ichimaru Gin had slowly sneaked out of the rowdy crowd of men and progressed towards the Quiet Happy Drinkers corner.

The last he saw of the contest was one Yamamoto Genryusai shrugging off his captain's haori and kimono top so he could grasp the bottle necks firmly and one Matsumoto Rangiku wrapping her pink sash tightly around her breast so they don't get in the way.

It had not been a very pleasant sight.

The sight of Aizen Sousuke at the Quiet Happy Drinkers corner however, was even worse.

Before he could skulk away, he had been invited very politely by one Unohana Retsu to share a tiny cup of sake while they enjoyed the beautiful view of dear Yachiru-chan slowly, but steadily, out-drinking Madarame Ikkaku as she put her captain's instructions to good use.

Thus it was, Ichimaru Gin found himself tucked (quite literally by the slightly drunk Unohana Retsu) gently between one Tousen Kaname and one Kuchiki Byakuya. His entrance then, resulted in a slightly slurry conversation that went something like this.

_"Ichimaru-taichou. I am so glad you decided to join us after all. For a moment there, I was convinced you would actually out-drink Zaraki-taichou. That would have been most troublesome indeed… especially in the aftermath of his revenge." _

_"Yes, of course. Thank you very much for your concern, Unohana-taichou." _

_"Oh, you are too polite. It is my duty as the Fourth Division Captain to ensure the continued health of all the Shinigami in Seireitei." _

_"Of course." _

_"Unohana-taichou has always been a very hardworking captain." _

_"Ah, you flatter me, Aizen-taichou." _

_"Not at all. I could say safely that the only reason I am still alive today is because of you." _

_"Oh my, what a compliment. You must not lavish such praises on me, Aizen-taichou. I will get too full of myself." _

_"Nonsense! You are a woman of virtue and beauty. Surely Pride has never been a problem with you." _

_"Oh my, such sweet words, Aizen-taichou. It is no wonder you are so popular amongst the Shinigami." _

_"Now you flatter me. My ego is not as restrained as yours is, my dear Unohana-taichou. You must beware what praises you bestow on me." _

_"Ah, now you are the one speaking nonsense, my dearest Aizen-taichou! Your virtue is well known in the whole of Seireitei. I am sure you contain no vice within that big heart of yours." _

_"My dear Unohana-taichou…" _

_"Yes, my dear Aizen-taichou?" _

_"I think you look hot in white."_

And it was around that time Ichimaru Gin found himself actually turning to Kuchiki Byakuya for relief. And _that_ conversation went something like this.

_"Kuchiki-taichou. What a pleasure to meet you here! It is a nice night, isn't it?" _

_"The Kuchiki household sends its best wishes on such an important day in your very long un-life, Ichimaru-taichou.." _

_"Wh…? Eh… thanks a lot." _

_"Indeed you should be grateful. The well wishes of the Kuchiki household hold much clout even in modern day Seireitei." _

_"Oh… ok." _

_"I understand that commoners have a different way of celebrating their birthdays, but I am of the opinion that it shouldn't be done in a rundown bar like this. Both the sake and the food are of unsatisfactory standards, and the quality of the company kept leaves much to be desired. This is not a ceremony befitting of a taichou." _

_"Well…" _

_"If you must insist on carrying out such undesirable… parties, may I at the very least request that you do not invite my sister, Rukia, to them? She is still of a young and impressionable age, and I do not wish for her to be contaminated by such hideous company." _

_"Ah…" _

And it was around that time that Ichimaru Gin remembered through the thin hazy veil of alcohol swimming through his blood stream that no self respecting Shinigami would ever turn to Kuchiki Byakuya for relief given that there was no relief to be found in Kuchiki Byakuya unless you were the kind of person who liked standing naked in a public area while someone threw cold water over you again and again… and again. Since Ichimaru Gin was neither an exhibitionist nor an avid admirer of cold water, he decided then that the safest path to take was to turn to the blind man sitting next to him.

_"Tousen-taichou. Enjoying your sake? I always believe a good jug of sake is the strongest bond between all Shinigami." _

_"Perhaps. But do you believe in the path of the least bloodshed, Ichimaru-taichou?" _

_"Path of Least Bloodshed? Ah! It's that new ride they just set up in the latest carnival isn't it? Oh yes, it did look quite interesting. Only… I kinda thought it was for Shinigami of… eh… dear little Yachiru's age, Tousen-taichou and not… eh… your… age…" _

_"You misunderstand me, Ichimaru-taichou. Please do not worry. I do not engage in rides that involve happily smiling clowns and dancing fairies. I was asking if you believe in justice, in mercy, and in the power of love?"_

_"… You are referring to… ah, the other ride then! The one with those huge furry monsters and…"_

_"The power of love, the desire to change for the better despite the obstacles in the way. Mercy, granted to the wielders of harsh power for the sake of justice. Justice… in the path of least bloodshed that would lead to a beautiful world where our children can play in with no fears." _

_"… Our children?" _

_"Indeed. Our children."_

_"Ah… A… Anyway, Komamura-taichou! How is the sake so far?"_

_"I'm not drinking sake." _

_"What?" _

_"I'm not drinking at all." _

_"Why not?" _

_"I can't drink through my mask." _

_"…" _

Surrendering to fate, Ichimaru Gin had settled back down and lifted the small saucer of sake to his lips to drink quietly (after all, he had entered the Quiet Drinkers Corner; what else could he expect?). Then the most horrible thing that could happen to a straight man happened.

_"Ichimaru-kun. Tonight, Tousen-kun and I would be adjourning to my room to discuss matters of great importance regarding the switching of members within our divisions. Would you like to join us since many of your division members would be coming from Tousen-kun's division?" _

Swiftly, with the agility of a hare (that had been dampened after about two jugs of sake), Ichimaru Gin had blurted out a quick refusal and hurriedly took refuge in the Loud Drinkers Corner, only to be greeted by the horrendous sight of Yamamoto soutaichou setting the whole table on fire as he roared defiantly and continued to chug sake down his throat. (Matsumoto had returned his roar with a rather respectable one of her own. However, she lacked the certain soul particles needed to set everything on fire, and thus her roar lacked a certain _oompf_ to it when compared to people like Yamamoto soutaichou and Zaraki-taichou.)

That left only one other place he could escape to; the Non-Drinkers Corner.

Cracking open his right eye just enough to catch a glimpse of what was happening in the Non-Drinkers Corner, Ichimaru Gin decided that a sigh of relief was in place. The Non-Drinkers Corner was made up of the quietest, sweetest ladies of the higher ranks of Seireitei, including Isane Kotetsu and Hinamori Momo who were quietly gossiping and giggling into cups of green tea and little platters of red bean paste.

Smiling happily, Ichimaru Gin made his way swiftly towards the corner that would be his paradise in a world filled with people like Aizen Sousuke – only to find himself greeted with cold glares when he smuggled himself in between Isane Kotetsu and Soifon (probably because he had just interrupted a long confession involving Hinamori Momo and an unidentified taichou).

_"Ichimaru-taichou? How may I help you?" _

_"Ah, Soifon-taichou. I merely felt that I would like to sit and have a nice conversation with all you guy… ladies. Ah… it's all ladies here." _

_"Yes, Ichimaru-taichou. Men tend to lack the courage to admit when they cannot take a little sake. Thus, only the women are here. It is also thus that only the women will be able to walk away from this party with any dignity. As it stands, I have to wonder what you are doing here, Ichimaru-taichou? Perhaps you are admitting a lack of stamina in the sake department?" _

_"Eh… well… ha ha…"_

After soothing his bruised, battered and half-dead Male Ego, Ichimaru Gin turned to a slightly more pleasant personality.

_"Ah! Isane fukutaichou. What a pleasure to see you here. I just had a very interesting conversation with your taichou about… eh… stuff."_

_"Y… y… yes… Ichimaru-tai… tai… tai… chou... eh..." _

At that point in time, they had been some quick, furgitive exchange of stares between the girls in that particular corner.

_"Is there something wrong?" _

_"Oh… no… I mean… well… perhaps… I…" _

_"Yes, Hinamori fukutaichou?" _

_"It is nothing, Ichimaru-taichou… just I… Happy Birthday." _

_"What?" _

_"Oh! I knew I shouldn't have said that! I'm so sorry, Ichimaru-taichou!" _

_"I apologise for repeating myself, but what?" _

_"Well, it's just that… we thought it would only be polite! But we should have known that a man of your age would be sensitive to being reminded when he had gotten one year older! It's just… oh! I'm so sorry! But we were just talking about how Isane has a bit of a crush on Kira-kun, and how Soifon taichou thinks Zaraki-taichou is hot…" _

_"Physically hot. Mentally, he's a mad man. The really, really hot guy amongst the captains has to he Kuchiki Byakuya. At least he has a sense of his place in society and his duty to hold true to the law." _

_"Physically hot, of course. But Kuchiki taichou is really kind of cold isn't he. Anyway, that was what we were talking about. About Zaraki taichou having those gorgeous muscles and that absolutely adorable eye patch. And Ise-san was talking about how Kyoraku taichou is hot…" _

_"Except when he is busy sleeping instead of doing his paperwork!" _

_"Of course! The Eighth Division would be in such a mess without Ise-san, wouldn't it? But where was I… oh yes… then we started talking about Aizen taichou and how he is really sweet, but too distant sometimes to be really hot. And since you used to be his vice-captain, we all started talking about what a nice party this is, and how everyone is having fun with each other and how we should be wishing you a happy birthday, but none of us really wanted to interrupt the merry drinking game you were having with Zaraki taichou. Then we suddenly realized how terrible it must have been for you, Ichimaru taichou, to be reminded time and time again how old you have become, and so we didn't say anything until I finally did, and oh please, you have to forgive me for being so rude!" _

There had been a two second pause then shakily, Ichimaru Gin had given his reply.

_"I'm old? Who said I'm old? And how come none of you were discussing why I'm hot?" _

There had been another two second pause, this time filled with the sympathetic gazes of the members of the Non-Drinkers Corner.

_"It's ok, Ichimaru taichou." _

_"We understand." _

_"Suck a bit of red bean paste and deal with it like a real man, Ichimaru." _

_"Eh… thank you, Soifon taichou." _

_"Isn't it nice, Ichimaru taichou? Isane made it herself!" _

_"It's very pleasant, Hinamori fukutaichou. I applaud your culinary skils, Isane fukutaichou." _

"_Th… thank you, Ichimaru taichou!"_

There had been a long pause in the conversation which the girls spent staring at their knees, the platters of red bean paste, cups of tea, and for various reasons, the cute little black cat chain hanging off Soifon's obi. (Even Ichimaru had liked that black cat chain; in his opinion, it had the expression of a very hot woman who was very aware that she was very hot and who was also prepared to drop her kimono and give do strange things with to anyone who was willing to do strange things with her.) Then very slowly, the conversation had started again, courtesy of said captain, who was probably getting nervous about how everyone seemed to be staring at her waist (and of course everyone was definitely looking at the new tummy she was growing, and oh she just knew she had been gaining weight and that all her fat rolls were showing even through her haori and how the hell was she supposed to continue wearing the special corps uniform when her tummy looked like that…).

_"Personally, I think Hisagi Shuhei is cute, if you are in to the leather and bondage stuff." _

_"Hisagi-san? Well, he is a little too… rough looking for me, but yes, I think he is rather handsome. Personally, I prefer Tousen taichou though." _

_"That's because Tousen taichou acts like your Aizen taichou sometimes, Hinamori!" _

_"Soifon taichou!" _

_"What about Hitsugaya taichou?" _

_"Ise-san?" _

_"Hitsugaya taichou. You have known him for a long time, right, Hinamori?" _

_"Well yes… but Shiro-kun is just a child. Surely it is inappropriate to think of him as otherwise!" _

_"Nonsense! He's growing fast that boy. Quite a looker already I must say. All those muscles, and that deep sexy voice. Very manly, very cute." _

_"Ise-san! That's Shiro-kun you're talking about!" _

_"I know! Still… despite his young age he has that little sexy thing going on, you know? Like the way he frowns in that gorgeous way when he is puzzled." _

_"And the glare." _

_"Exactly, Soifon taichou! The glare! It's like…" _

_"Beaming down on you with so much intensity, like he's going to devour you. Hot. I give my vote to that sexy baby." _

_"Soifon taichou! Ise-san! Shiro-kun's just a little boy!" _

_"Ah, come on! It's not like he hasn't hit puberty yet! Haven't you seen the way he's starting to blush every time Rangiku-chan smashes her boobs into his face?" _

_"Rangiku smashes her boobs into Hitsugaya's face?" _

And that had been Ichimaru Gin.

Really, how could anyone had expected him to remain silent when he had just heard that darling Ran-chan had been cheating on him with her _boy_ taichou? On the other hand, since they _didn't_ know Rangiku was _his_, all they did was to give him weird looks.

Unfortunately for Ichimaru Gin, he had never stood well under the pressure of weird looks. Horrible things happen when Ichimaru Gin finds himself under the scrutiny of weird looks.

Things like his tongue eloping with his intelligence.

_"I like bondage and leather too." _

That had stopped the conversation permanently.

Well… not permanently. It had renewed itself with much fervor and suspicious side glances the moment he had left the table and hurried out of his party to hide in his room.

Which was what Ichimaru Gin was currently doing.

Hiding - and trying to soothe his poor, bruised, hanged, quartered and almost beheaded Male Ego by repeatedly telling himself that it was perfectly fitting with his reputation in Seireitei to like bondage and leather, and that it didn't matter if the women had mistaken his meaning as implicating that he liked Hisagi Shuhei, which was ridiculous given how said vice-captain lacked the necessary appendages that Ichimaru Gin liked in a lover and had one too many that Ichimaru Gin preferred in a lover.

The best he could say about it was it wasn't working – the soothing that is.

Groaning, moaning, and generally displaying as many signs as possible of grief and despair, Ichimaru shrugged off his haori and tossed it in the vague direction of his laundry basket. His kimono and hakama followed quickly. Using a wet towel, he quickly wiped himself down before pulling on a sleeping yukata.

Contrary to what his new clothes suggested, Ichimaru Gin ended up flopping down in a corner and digging into his private collection of sappy romance stories instead of actually going to sleep. There was no way he was going to sleep after what had happened. He didn't want to wake up from a nightmare, screaming and wailing like a banshee. That really wouldn't do for his steadily degenerating reputation.

Reaing sappy romance stories however, would give him other more… _pleasant_ dreams. He was particularly fond of the work of one Tenshi no Ai, which largely consisted of two star-crossed lovers of various genders and species, and a lot of hot, steamy scenes in various unexpected locations. (Ichimaru Gin would never be able to think of the Shinigami Marching Band Studio in the same way ever again.) It was also precisely a novel from the same author that he selected. (That one consisted of the unfortunate and tragic love between an introvert goth Shinigami and his pet fox.)

In fact, so deep was Ichimaru Gin into the novel (why was the animal rights' group so cruel to them?) that he failed to take note of any changes in his immediate environment.

Changes like his window slowly sliding open and the rain splattering in.

It was only just in the middle of a rather unique scene (involving the goth, the fox and a whole collection of saucepans) that Ichimaru Gin started to get the inkling that there was something wrong with his room.

Looking back on this, Ichimaru Gin would have to confess that he didn't know exactly what it was that had spooked him. Had it been a sound or a sudden shift in the lighting? Perhaps it had been some sort of intangible warning system built into his senses. Whatever the case, the moment his head snapped up, all he saw was a mass of brown hair floating above him.

Then a deep friendly voice declared, "You should have come for the meeting, Ichimaru kun. Then I would never have had to track you down like this."

And Ichimaru screamed.

Almost.

As in, he almost screamed, but he didn't.

But he did squeak.

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Reviews! Reviews! Reviews! Reviews!

And I hope you enjoyed yourself.


	3. the bedroom

Voila! The last chapter of this story! Unfortunately, it isn't as funny as I thought it would be. But I can't seem to improve it anymore…

Anyway, have fun reading it!

I don't own Bleach.

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Rain splattered in through the open window as huge gusts of wind outside whipped about frantically. The candle light flickered, throwing alternate streaks of light and shadow over the walls of the room.

Ichimaru Gin squeaked again.

The novel slipped from his fingers as he shot to his feet, painfully aware of how the bottom of his yukata flared out prettily as he did. "Ai… Aizen taichou!" he stammered, feeling the rush of panic and terror to his chest. "Wh… how….?"

Brown eyes glinted in the dark as a deep, soft laugh echoed along with the resounding thunder that seemed to rock the whole division. "Surprised? I have long discovered it would take more than an ordinary taichou to detect me when I really want to remain hidden," Aizen Sousuke commented, dripping incessantly onto Ichimaru Gin's nicely polished floor. With a flourish, he set himself comfortably on a cushion despite the fact that he was totally wet and smiled in the direction of said ordinary taichou.

"Wh…" Ichimaru swallowed painfully. "Yes, can I help you, Aizen taichou?"

A deep chuckle escaped the older taichou's lips. "You could stop quavering and sit down. You are starting to sound like that rather useless fukutaichou of yours."

There was a long pause then said Kira look-alike sat down abruptly with a huge scowl on his face (and given the dimensions Ichimaru Gin's mouth could stretch to, it was very literally, a _humongous_ scowl).

In all modesty, Ichimaru Gin could claim to possess huge amounts of patience and tolerance. It was, after all, part of what made him an excellent captain. Of course, his general sliminess and delight in playing evil pranks made him a really lousy captain, but given his fore-mentioned attributes, in all honestly, everything worked out just fine.

However, in this situation, Ichimaru Gin found his huge quantities of patience and tolerance running out. It was one thing to address Ichimaru Gin as an "ordinary captain", it was quite another insult to address Ichimaru Gin as being similar to Kira Izuru. Ichimaru Gin did not gel his hair every morning and he was _not_ afraid of everything that had any number of legs other than two. (In truth, Ichimaru Gin had tried gelling his hair once after he had overheard some girls commenting on the general _hotness_ of Zaraki Kenpachi's hair; the experiment had not turned out… well.)

At any rate, Ichimaru Gin found himself sorely insulted by the (inaccurate) comparisons between himself and one Kira Izuru. Thus, despite his homophobia, Ichimaru Gin found himself straightening his back and glaring at one Aizen Sousuke (sadly, having to spare the effort to open his eyes to do so).

"Aizen taichou," he snapped. "May I enquire as to why you have broken into my bedroom and occupied my favourite cushion while still dripping wet so late in the night?" (Ok, so the favourite cushion part was a lie, but Ichimaru Gin was currently too annoyed to giggle incessantly at the like he had just made.)

Said accused captain smiled mysteriously. "Ah, but you know already, don't you, Ichimaru-kun." The smile widened. "I have known you for a good few decades. That little innocent act of yours doesn't fool me. I think you are quite aware of why I am approaching you, and why this time of the night is most appropriate for our endeavors."

The blood in his veins ran cold (or at least, even colder than usual) and Ichimaru Gin found his glare withering away into a mildly terrified look. "Excuse me?" he squeaked, wishing now he was wearing more layers of clothing than what he was wearing now.

"Drop that act, Gin," Aizen chuckled. "I have no patience for all your little side tricks and manipulative ways. It might work on all the other captains and the little girls you enjoy seducing, but I have been your captain for a long time, and I know when you are trying to sidle away."

Ichimaru Gin's mind reeled. It reeled in ways he had never known it could reel. The general reeling gave him the sense of being thrown into Hueco Mundo and then sucked back and then thrown into Hell and then sucked back again - repeatedly. The specific reeling in his head made him feel like he had just summoned the nerve to ask Matsumoto Rangiku on a date and she had laughed then delivered a very well-aimed kick in the very specific direction of the vulnerable area between his legs.

It made him nauseous.

It made him dizzy.

It made him vindictive.

Pale eyelids closed immediately over burning red orbs and a smile carved itself slowly into his face. It, of course, wasn't just _a_ smile; it was _the_ smile that sent ice-queen Kuchiki Rukia wailing to her brother (who had panicked when she threw her arms around his waist and wailed into his very expensive kimono, and released his zanpakuto on her) and Hitsugaya Toushirou to a corner mumbling incoherently (until Matsumoto Rangiku had fished him out with the offer of a huge watermelon of his own). In short, it was the creepiest, slimiest, most perverted smile Ichimaru Gin had at his disposal.

Needless to say, even the great Aizen Sousuke was taken aback by the sudden change in on Ichimaru Gin's demeanor. He was so taken aback he even started to stutter. "G… Gin?" he, as mentioned earlier, stuttered.

"I do not _like_ little girls," Gin murmured, the words oozing out of his lips like blood from a wound. "I like cute, adorable things, not restricted to little girls, who are often than not, not all that cute and adorable, savvy?"

"Savvy," Aizen blurted out, so startled that he had used a term that screamed of salt, sea and grimy bottles of rum. "I… I mean…"

Ichimaru Gin grinned maliciously as Aizen Sousuke struggled to regain the composure he had lost so abruptly. There was no way Ichimaru Gin was going to let this man continue to hack away at his Male Ego. Regardless of the price he might have to pay later (oh no one knew how vindictive Aizen Sousuke could be but the very acute ex fifth division fukutaichou), Ichimaru Gin was not going to sit here and let said Aizen Sousuke spoil his reputation and his virginity.

"What I meant was," Aizen said suddenly, composure regained. "You know why I am here, Gin. And I expect a reply." Now, the maliciousness so apparent in Gin's voice was reflected in Aizen. Ichimaru Gin recognized this for what it was immediately. It was a battle between two male egos. Only the most aggressive, most malicious, most manly one would get to be on top.

Metaphorically speaking, of course.

Because to think of it literally was just…

Eew.

"You speak," Ichimaru Gin said politely but with just that edge of aggression, "like I _should_ give you a reply, Aizen-taichou. In what ways am I obliged to give you a reply in reference to your… unholy desires?"

"Unholy?" Aizen Sousuke raised his eyebrow ever so slightly to give his expression a subtle touch of condescension. "I see nothing unholy about my desires, Ichimaru taichou. I find them quite natural indeed."

"Oh?" Ichimaru Gin allowed his smile to widen, an indication of distaste. "And just what is natural about such a break in the flow of the natural world order?"

"Ah, now you speak like the pious student of a certain god, hmm? And why should we worship that god that you do, Ichimaru taichou?"

"Why, I worship no god, Aizen taichou. I never do. It is a matter of preference I would say."

"Ah, and you would prefer this inferior god to the one I could become?"

"I prefer no god, if that is how you would put it. I prefer goddesses of course."

"I see. So you are of a feminist persuasion, Ichimaru taichou?"

"Feminist? I would rather say heterosexual, no?"

"Ah, hetero… excuse me?"

Ichimaru Gin smiled. Ichimaru Gin smiled widely. Ichimaru Gin smiled widely like a person who had just seen the composed Aizen Sousuke break his composure enough to display a dropped jaw and eyes wide and filled with surprise.

"I must have heard wrongly," Aizen Sousuke said sharply, fully aware of his slipping position. "I thought you said… 'heterosexual', Ichimaru taichou?"

"That is exactly what I said, Aizen taichou. I am of a heterosexual persuasion."

Now, Aizen Sousuke looked truly confused. Ichimaru Gin allowed himself the metaphorical pat on the back as a form of congratulation.

"But," Aizen Sousuke whined in the desperate attempt to save his position. "What does you being a heterosexual have to do with what kind of god you would prefer to worship?"

Ichimaru Gin frowned cheekily. "Well, isn't it obvious?" he asked, sarcasm dripping from his mouth like venom from a snake's fangs. "To put it bluntly since you seem to fail to comprehend my intentions, I prefer my lovers, or 'gods', as you seem to like to put it, to have the necessary, though rather stereotypical great heaving bosom and beautiful rounded hips, that you, unfortunately do not have."

There was another long silence in this room, during which Ichimaru Gin took the time to wonder how it was that Aizen Sousuke, _the_ great Aizen Sousuke could be defeated so easily.

Then the great but defeated Aizen Sousuke cleared his throat awkwardly and asked, "Eh… Ichimaru-kun. Just a question, if you please. Exactly what did you think my intentions were in regards to you?"

"Why…" Ichimaru Gin hesitated here. "I thought… you were… well… gay."

"Gay."

"And interested in me."

"Interested in you."

"Yeah."

"…"

"…"

"…"

"What were your intentions, Aizen taichou?"

"I was trying to enlist you as a helper in my great scheme to overthrow Soul Society and become King."

"I see." Ichimaru Gin heaved a huge sigh of relief. "So that's all?" he laughed, slouching back in his seat. "Gee, you had me scared there for a moment, Aizen taichou. What with the whole 'Ichimaru kun' thing and the 'you been hitting the gym' thing. Phew! What a relief."

Aizen Sousuke drew up in his seat, scowling magnificently. "So it was a whole misunderstanding?" he growled. "Such nonsense, Gin! I would have expected you to be smarter than this."

At that, Ichimaru Gin found himself sitting straight all over again, suddenly aware that the Battle of the Male Ego wasn't over just yet. "And how otherwise would you have expected me to think?" he growled back. "With all your talk about my sexual preferences in reference to little girls and you sliding into a bath along with me?"

"Bath places are excellent places to speak."

"Naked except for a towel?"

"We are both men."

"How is that any comfort for one whom has seen you staring at Abarai Renji and Kira Izuru intently?"

"I was wondering how I could have used them to further my ambitions."

"I could _see_ that. Your ambitions looked rather twisted at that point of time if you ask me."

"Get your mind out of the gutter, Gin. Besides, that was your own fault for misunderstanding my intentions!"

"And then you crawled into my room in the middle of the night in a white yukata that is… oh my god… it's transparent from the water… could you please change into something else before you blind me?"

"You haven't offered me anything to change into!"

"And now you want my clothes! Some people get a kick out of wearing their lover's clothes! How else would you have expected me to react, Aizen Sousuke?"

"Like a logical human being."

Ichimaru Gin frowned. He knew that was impossible to win in this fight between him and Aizen Sousuke. Ichimaru Gin was too used to manipulating people, too used to sidling to actually be able to win in a direct confrontation. A slimier, more manipulative, more under-handed and cheating method was in hand. After all, Ichimaru Gin wasn't the sliest, most manipulative, evilest man in the whole of Seireitei for nothing. (Man, because no one could beat Matsumoto Rangiku when it came to being sly, manipulative and evil; it just is not possible, ever.) It was time to show that condescending, overbearing Aizen Sousuke what a lying, cheating son of a bitch could do.

"I see, Aizen taichou," Ichimaru Gin chirped cheerfully. "I think I may have misunderstood your intentions."

"Well…" Aizen Sousuke looked taken aback again, as would any normal male whose competitor in the battle of the male ego had suddenly backed down. "Yes. I mean… well… that is rather true."

"What was it you wanted to talk about then?" Ichimaru Gin asked, smiling happily. "Something about taking over Soul Society? Or was it being King? You know, all the usual ambitious stuff."

"Yes actually…" Aizen Sousuke was inspired to clear his throat again. "I mean… yes, I was trying to enlist you to join in my great scheme to overthrow Soul Society."

"Oh yes. You could have just come to me really. I have always been most delighted in helping Aizen-taichou with your numerous endeavors."

"Of course… I mean, I must… apologize I guess."

Ichimaru Gin's face split into a wide, triumph grin. "Of course, Aizen-taichou," he said modestly.

"So… you will join me?"

"No."

Aizen Sousuke's jaw dropped then his eyes narrowed in anger. "Why not?" he demanded.

"Because it's not interesting," Ichimaru replied with a shrug.

"What is _not_ interesting about taking over the world?"

"Everything."

"How on earth is that possible?" Aizen practically howled.

Ichimaru Gin shrugged again. "It just is," he said absent-mindedly (an act of course, he should be getting some kind of an award for this), fingering the novel on his lap.

Aizen Sousuke squirmed in irritation. Then he brightened up considerably. "We will have to destroy Kuchiki Rukia," he said hopefully. "It might be considered revenge on Kuchiki Byakuya, whom I distinctly remember being rather rude to you during the captain's ceremony."

Which was true. Kuchiki Byakuya had made a comment about the deteriorating breed of captains being inducted during the installation ceremony. Of course Ichimaru Gin remembered; he had always been a grudging kind of person. But destroying Kuchiki Rukia? The Kuchiki Rukia who was so easy to get a rise out of? The Kuchiki Rukia who had screamed at the sight of him and fell into the school pond the one time he had made a visit to the Academy to do the usual propaganda stuff? The Kuchiki Rukia who had fainted in terror when he had suggested that they have a cup of tea together?

"But Kuchiki Rukia is cute!" he protested, remembering how he had made her faint a second time by suggesting, when she had waken up, that he had performed CPR on her (which he hadn't, because Kuchiki Rukia had an over-protective brother and Ichimaru Gin was not suicidal).

Aizen Sousuke's eyebrows were sky-high. "And you accuse me of making false accusations," he muttered. Then a little louder, "Isn't she a little young for you?"

"But she's funny when she's terrified," Ichimaru Gin went on, temporarily unaware of the impression he was giving Aizen Sousuke. "She always ends up hiding behind her darling nii-sama. Which is cute. She looks like a rat when she does that. I once ate a rat when I was in Rukongai. There are rather tasty actually."

"What does it matter if we kill that one particular girl?" Aizen Sousuke shot back, disgusted. "Once I become King of the World, you can have as many little girls as you want. And as many toys as u want to scare them with."

"Little girls," Ichimaru Gin repeated absent-mindedly. Then his mind suddenly zoomed in on a not so little girl. "Oh yes!" he perked up significantly. "I could have her!" Unaware of Aizen Sousuke's slack-jaw look, he continued fantasizing about large orange hair and soft, huge bosoms. "Oh my…" His mind added a non-existent red yukata then had to pause just in case his nose started to bleed. "That is hot…"

"Ichi… Gin?"

"I'm in!" Ichimaru Gin announced, his eyes gleaming with a steely determination Aizen Sousuke found extremely disturbing.

"Even with the inevitable death of Kuchiki Rukia?"

"Ah, who cares about Kuchiki Rukia?" Ichimaru Gin mumbled, adding a nice floral pattern of chrysanthemums to the yukata. "It's not like she's _that_ cute." The obi had to be black lace, he decided, more like a sash than an obi. One he could peel off without using his fingers. "My pretty is cuter… much cuter…"

Aizen Sousuke spent the next five seconds trying to decide which little girl Ichimaru Gin was now eyeing. Then he decided he couldn't really care, because the army he intended to create probably had worse fetishes than that. "Excellent," he said smoothly. "Welcome to the dark side, Gin."

Ichimaru Gin snapped back to reality, opened his mouth to inform Aizen Sousuke that Ichimaru Gin had _always_ been on the dark side then changed his mind. No matter how cruel he was, Ichimaru Gin couldn't quite bring himself to shatter so many delusions in one day. After all, if he was going to be going against the whole of Seireitei, it would only do for his great leader to remain as delusional as possible.

"My pleasure," he murmured, sharing an evil smirk with his co-evil-doer. "So… exactly how are we going to accomplish our goals?"

"Ah, we shall wait for Tousen Kaname to arrive before we discuss that."

"… Tousen Kaname?"

"Yes."

"Tousen Kaname, as in the Nineth Division Captain?"

"Of course."

"Tousen Kaname is a fellow evil-doer?"

"Yes, but don't tell him that. We don't want to shatter his delusions that we are working for a greater good."

"Ah… yes, shattering delusions… not a good thing."

"Yes, fortunately we don't have any."

"Ah…"

"But anyway." Aizen Sousuke dismissed the issue of Tousen Kaname with a regal flick of his wrist. "The thing is, you are our comrade now. Our secret must remain precisely that – a secret."

"Of course."

"I have the absolute trust in your discretion, Ichimaru-kun."

"Thank you, Aizen-kun."

"That's Aizen-sama to you, minion."

"…"

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Tada! And now it's time for you to leave a review! Hope you had fun!


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